His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
