There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...