can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life