Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out