I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.