TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.