its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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