I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
