I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We are two peas in an std pod
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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