Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize