what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
