I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
