And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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