I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
