Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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