hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
