i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize