The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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