Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
