I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize