can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
