dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
