As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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