I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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