One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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