found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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