I want to walk on stilts...naked
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize