The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
