dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
