Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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