im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
