the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
