No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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