I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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