she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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