i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
