He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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