I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
