I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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