thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
