Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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