I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She said her name was "party"
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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