Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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