Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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