Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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