Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The best revenge is premature balding
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
