I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize