I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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