I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
