you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
