We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was born a porn star she said
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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