she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
