I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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