Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
