I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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